i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize