my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
