Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
