your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
