I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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