just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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