my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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