Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
