You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
