What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
