He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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