just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
