Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
