1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
birth control should be required to get into college
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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