My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
