He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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