That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She bit a glass in half.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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