I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
