If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
