batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
