"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
