is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
