hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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