i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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