this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
