Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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