so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
