perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
