We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
