the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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