At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
