Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
