My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize