My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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