i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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