new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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