he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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