I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My penis needs a shock collar
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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