One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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