Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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