She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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