Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
