she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
