So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize