I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
