Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
