dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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