i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
