I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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