I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
