this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I would fuck him just for his dog
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
