weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
not ubering you a puppy
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
