Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
