i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
