I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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