Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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