i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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