Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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