Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
