Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
