new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
