I'm really into asian looking animals
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
