i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
