yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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