Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
