Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
