i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize