I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
soo... how was my night?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
