they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
