He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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